Posted on by WanderingNation 
Scenes, running over and over in our heads,
making perfect and no sense at the same time.

Images, in full HD and color,
spinning behind our eyes,
distracting from the person in front.

Words and phrases, echoing in our ears,
said by people yesterday and tomorrow and a year ago,
constantly following us from place to place.

Dreams, stepping out of slumber,
chasing us through waking hours.
Ambitions, the children of dreams,
driving us, forcing our hands to run over the keys,
our feet over the ground,
our lives over the coals.

Difficulties, from past and present,
dog us daily in everything we do.
These turn life into a challenge,
and without them life turns into nothing,
into something meaningless.

Should the challenge be accepted?
Should life be conquered?
Or should we accept the malaise,
the meaningless of ease?

 

Posted on by WanderingNation

Eastern Washington December Morning

Out of the slumber of night, dawn awakens,
light dripping out over white earth.
Tendrils of sun, grasping like the wizened knuckles
of grandmother, reach out across the snow dusted hills.

Frost, claiming the car as its own, dissipates slowly,
forcing a decision on sleep clouded minds;
show up late to work or get up early and scrape the windshield.

Standing at the stove, making breakfast,
warmth from the electric stovetop
clashing with cold window drafts.
Hands warm with cooking,
cheeks cold from staring out the window,
the disparate temperatures oddly comforting.

A magazine, filled with other people’s opinions,
two eggs, a hot cup of coffee and
a dirty tablecloth.
These welcome the new day.

The drive to work,
radio waves echoing inside the car.
The drive, peaceful in the mountains,
frustrating in the town.
Thick fog, a fluffy white cape,
dresses up the cascades.

The car pulls into the parking lot,
two minutes after eight,
the three usual suspects smoking their morning cigarette,
the smoke indistinguishable from frosty breath.

I walk inside, the day begins.
Posted on by WanderingNation

Transplanted

Transplanted, one edge of the country to another
Looking for meaning, through many different avenues.
Is the truth I look for to be found in work?
Is it to be found living in community?
Is it to be found in solitude?

The meaning I seek,
Sometimes elusive, sometimes close,
Never completely out of reach,
never totally understood.

Meaning to be found in new people,
in new areas of the country,
in new struggles and new triumphs.
Or is it in all the places I left?
Posted on by WanderingNation

Cold

As the sun began to peel over the snow-capped hills, the morning air bites through the cracks and holes in the trailer. The dual combo attack of cold and sun finally reaches through the fog of sleep and drags us, somewhat unwillingly, into the conscious world. A steamy shower and a hot cup of coffee push back the tendrils of frost, warming our fingers and face for the coming day.

Posted on by WanderingNation

Addiction

While working with a demographic heavily populated by underserved sections of society, such as Latinos, Native Americans and people suffering from addiction, I came to the realization that I may have a very unique set of skills that I can use to assist the clients with the issues that they are facing. In my freshman year of undergrad, I began using opiates and benzos recreationally. At a point towards the end of this first year, it got to the point where it was not recreational anymore, and was becoming a hamper to my life. During the summer, I found a stash of Xanax and OxyContin, which I started abusing heavily. At one point, I overdosed and blacked out for 36 hours. Due to this, I had to go to the emergency room, where it was stated that I would be fine and that I was just a college kid who had made a mistake experimenting. When I was told this, I latched onto it and used it to tell myself that I really did not have an issue, that it was just a mistake and nothing more. I stopped using pills after this, which allowed me to lie to myself for quite a while that I did not have an issue with addiction. Since then, however, I have come to realize that I stopped using not because I didn’t have a real issue, but because my family was incredibly supportive, and provided me the strength that I needed in order to conquer my addiction. In the last few months, however, I have come to realize that it was much more than a mistake, and that it would have been far more accurate if I had been told that I had an addiction problem. This realization has come to me because of the interactions that I have been blessed enough to have with some of my clients. If I had not had the support of my family, which has been the case for more than a few of my clients, I truly believe that I would not have realized that I was circling the drain of addiction, until I was too far down to make an effective change. I wish that I did not have this addiction in my life, that when I get hurt, I could be given the same medication as everyone else and not have to deal with the pain, that I did not have to worry about how I will respond the next time a situation arises where I have the choice between using and staying strong.

At the same time, however, I believe that being given the opportunity to conquer addiction, and actually doing so, has been one of the biggest blessings of my life. It showed me that I could stand up to addiction and prevail. In addition to a blessing in disguise, I also believe that it is a life experience that I can use to help clients now, as well as far into the future, showing them, just by my mere presence, that addiction is not an unstoppable monster. Before having this issue in my life, I had many aspirations in which direction I wanted to take my psychology degree, all of which are still present. Working with the elderly is something that I would be great at, and is also a demographic that is distressingly underserved. Studying the connections between physical and mental activity, and how physical activity can be good for mental processes is also something that I have a strong interest in. In the midst of all these desires, being given the opportunity to serve an indigenous population and to serve those with addiction and at the same time learning more about myself along the way has opened my aspirations much further. I wish to continue working with populations that are regularly shunned by society at large, whether that be the elderly, indigenous peoples, people struggling with chemical dependencies or those who are suffering from severe and persistent mental illness. This work is something that is not only necessary, but also something that is closely tied to who I am.

Posted on by WanderingNation

Contradictions

From the morning moon to the evening sun, we can see contradictions in every beginning and ending, in every person and in a surprising amount of our own actions. When the beginning is the same every day, however, we notice nothing, placing ourselves into a routine. Sometimes, this is necessary in order to give our lives structure, while at other times it does nothing but kill our sense of variety and excitement for the new things in life. The interplay between the need for structure and the need for variety is something that permeates every area of life – some people need more of one and less of the other, a struggle personalized to each and every individual on the planet. Going too far to one end causes stagnation, while going too far in the other direction engenders chaos. What is interesting is that certain individuals need something approaching a guaranteed repetition of events in their lives if they are to function well, while others need an injection of chaos each and every day if they are to stay interested in the world around them.

Perhaps even more difficult than figuring out the balance of uncertainty and mundanity that allows us to proceed in through life in a healthy way is understanding why other people would choose to live their lives on a different path. While we may never understand why someone would want to live a life full of pandemonium or of an unchanging rigmarole, it is not difficult at all to understand the absolute necessity of both types of people in the world. It is the realm of change and innovation that the chaos-seekers inhabit, while those who seek a more routine life create the structure that allows us all to expect that our society will continue to function at least in a bearable way.

Posted on by WanderingNation

Effort

Early, on a crisp September morning, the sun tries to crest the mountains in Eastern Washington, but has so far only managed to send a few tentative tendrils over the peaks. This effort, however, is far more beautiful than the final success would ever be. It is like the child learning to read – his skills as an orator, once an adult, might stun crowds and begin a movement, but his first attempts at reading puts a smile on the face of a jaded teacher, a feat much more difficult to accomplish than agitating men to a fever pitch.

The early efforts are more wonderful than the final success because they hint at untried horizons, at successes only hoped for. While final accomplishments should always be lauded for the achievements that they are, perhaps it is even more important to congratulate people on the rough drafts that they craft on the way to success.